...Its over...

Well I started bleeding a bit last week. I went for another beta and saw the ob/gyn. He didnt see any sac, which he said he should have seen something by now. Got the beta #'s back and they were 51. So we lost the baby. It was surreal. We never really had a chance to relish in the moment. We found out and the entire week that we were "pregnant" it was a rollercoaster. So it never really set in. Though we did break down. Sometimes we just dont understand God's timing or reason. I went for another beta yesterday, because they have to make sure my number gets below 5 (normal). It was 12, so that is good. I go again next week which I am sure it will be normal again. It is so weird for me. Walking around bleeding, thinking in the back of my brain, I am miscarrying while I walk around here. I know that is weird and bizarre, but just imagine what I am going through. So since we told VERY few people, meaning like 5 people at my work, it was difficult to tell them. I emailed 3 of them and the other 2 I just kinda blurted it out when I had the courage. Sad to say, but at least it is passing and we can continue on. There will likely be a lapse in this blog, as Dave and I have decided to take a couple of months to focus on moving, getting healthy and enjoying our anniversary. So once we return from our anniversay trip in April we plan on meeting with the Dr. again to go over the game plan and see were we can end up! Hopefully it will mean a baby or babies this time next year! Here is too a very fertile 2009!! LOL Gotta keep laughing right?!?!

...Just numbers right? ...

Well I went in for my first beta on Wed, Jan. 14th. The # was 55. Drs office said that yes I am in fact pregnant. They did another blood draw on Friday, Jan 16th. Now numbers should double every 48-72 hours. My number on Friday was 79. No exactly doubling, but still going up. I was less than relaxed. Tears, lots of them. Dave, my rock, researched it and said low numbers, as long as they are rising are good numbers. Plus it could be that it takes my body 72 hours, not the 48 that I did. So now we just wait, as the drs office isnt open again until Tuesday. The rollercoaster continues. Not to mention, the same day I got results #2, I went to a baby shower afterward. I could only muster enough strength to keep my emotions under wrap for 1.5 hours. Oh well at least I went. So prayers continue and my husband, who I love even more today than yesterday, continues to be my rock, my support, my hope and my encourager. Thank God for him!

... Rollercoaster ...

Sometimes when you think you are getting off the ride it is just beginning!
So I took the urine test that that drs office requires yesterday (1-13). This morning, checked the results online....negative!!
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
I took another home test....still pregnant.
So I called the drs office at 540am and left a message, that was probably just jibberish, since I was in shock! I took the day off work, I couldnt handle it!
They called back and said sometimes their test wont show if its too early. So in for bloodwork I went. To make sure the numbers are there. Then I go again Friday to make sure they are increasing as they should.
Sheesh....I would say the worry is over, but it is just beginning I suppose!!
But on another note, we did find a perfect house to rent. Complete with nursery right next to our room!
Fingers crossed, prayers every minute!!

... Fairytales ...

So as stated before, we did our 4th IUI around Christmas. What an adventure to take fertility shots during the holidays. Sneaking away at approximately 730pm to the restroom to inject myself. At my Aunt's on Christmas Eve, during presents at my parents on Christmas day. This whole rollercoaster has been dodging through obstacles, but it does make for interesting stories, if nothing else.
So, we crossed our fingers and prayed really really hard for 2 weeks. On January 7th I started spotting. Which means my period would be here in 3 days or so. Exactly 2 weeks after our IUI. I was at an impasse. Hurt, crushed, lost, afraid. I cried and Dave was right there with me. I thought this was "the" one.......
............
..........................
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On January 11th, my period never came. Humm, I thought. But still waited. Monday night was long enough. I got a test on the way home and took it as soon as I walked in the door.
This is what I saw...............




Oh My Freakin Gosh!!! Is that for real?!! I think it might be broken! I showed it to Dave, totally not the way I wanted to tell him, but after all this....I just wanted him to know! He was like what does that mean....wait for it....wait for it....eyes widen and a smile consumes his face. Oh my gosh....we're having a baby!!! Yes we are having a baby! There were lots of tears, more laughter. It is truely unbelievable. God is completely in control! I did keep checking back to make sure it say "just kidding" "haha" ! Were we being punk'd?!?!

In fact no.....we are not being punk'd.....but what we are is..........

PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fairytales do come true! God always has a perfect plan. And my life, and my children's lives are completely in his hands!

... #4 ...

Well Dave and I did take a break and had every intention to wait until his dad went home in Feburary to go back and start again. But then in December something inside was telling me to go for it. I started taking meds again to start my period.
On December 16, it began.
December 18th I was checked and no cysts! Yippee!! So I was started on 3 vials of Menopur a day. Same as last cycle since we had such good results..finally! Still lots of eggs on each side.
December 23rd, 4 eggs growing strong! 12.4, 11.3, 12.6 and 10.3. All on the left side. Whew, thank goodess the right side decided to take some time off!
Dr. K then reduced my intake to 2 vials for 2 more days, as he didnt want to hyperstimulate the eggs and have too many. Thank goodness, me either!
December 26th, Dave came with me to check things out. 19.6, 17.4, 16.3, 15.4....still 4 good eggs!! Yipee!!
So we trigger tonight and have our 4th IUI with 4 eggs on Sunday, December 28th. And then keep our prayers in full force for 2 weeks.
Wow what a wonderful way to start the new year!!

... Updates ...

So I didnt start my period back in September and did have to take meds to start it.
We had 3 good eggs in October...all great size.
Had the IUI (Ill elaborate on that later) and got my period BEFORE it was even due.
Went in to get check and low and behold...cysts! Suppose it was bound to happen, we had many cycle with no cysts and sometimes your body just says enough!
So we went on a break. We had to take a month off anyway and go on birth control. But I advised the Dr. that we were wanting to take sometime so birth control wasnt necessary. Plus Daves dad was coming into town so we were going to hold off until he left in February anyway.
Now, about that IUI! WOWSA!
It was someone new who performed the procedure. At first she didnt think she had it in right. So she "repositioned". It was a bit unconfortable but nothing I couldnt handle. By the time I got to work it was getting more and more intense. I went to the rest room and was bleeding a bit. I called the Drs office. They said it was normal and so was cramping so to take some aspirin. About an hour later I was almost doubled over in pain. I finally had to go home cause I could barely walk. As I drove home I made Dave talk to me the entire way cause it hurt so bad and I was crying. When I got home Dave had to help me undress and put me in bed. I later woke up and had Dave call the dr to see what else we could do. I was able to take a nice warm bath, and if I could have stayed in there forever I would have!!
As the days pasted the pain got less and less. But it took about 3 days to be fully funcitional again. Man oh man did that hurt!!

.... Mini break ....

Well, I started my period the day after we got to Kansas for the family reunion. So we are going to have to skip one cycle as I couldnt, obviously, make it to the doctor by cycle day 3. At first I was a bit frustrated, but I realize it is all in Gods timing and maybe he was saying I need to take some time off. Plus one month isnt a big deal in the big picture. So once I start my period again, hopefully around Sept 13, we will start the process all over. I am going to push to be a bit more aggressive as we only had 1 good egg again this last IUI. So #3 is always my number....so lets hope IUI #3 is the one (or two) for us!!!